How do you really feel?

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Michael enjoying some coffee while chatting.

Last week while getting coffee a nice old lady came up to me and asked “so are you excited to get back?”
With that I was at a loss for words. Should I say “no” straight up and disappoint and worry her? Or does she have the time to delve into this a little bit with me while we pour in our cream and sugar?
I said something like “…well…it’s a harder life there and we will definitely miss our families BUT we are excited to get back to the friends we’ve made and to get back to the work we were doing.”
The next time the questions was asked I strung something together about how it is such a beautiful and culturally rich country with amazing amounts of creative talent so it’s a fun place to be…but a lot of the newness has worn off and I am not really looking forward to all of the traveling.
So how do I really feel? If we had all of the time in the world to sit here and pick this issue apart what would I say to you? I’m interested to sort my feelings out.
I’m really NOT excited to go back. I’m not excited for three more imminent moves and lots of traveling. I’m not looking forward to a 12 hr flight, 13 hr layover, 10 hr flight + + + I’m not looking forward to all of the goodbyes we are saying to our family, and to our friends here. I’m going to miss going running and blending in with the crowd so much so that I won’t create a mob scene when I go out. I’m going to miss walking into a Target and shopping easily for everything (and more) that I want. I’m going to miss quinoa and couscous and beans and steak salad and Greek yoghurt and wind-powered-organic-whole grain-cane sugar sweetened-Raisin Bran. I’m going to miss fast internet and watching shows on Hulu. I’m going to miss family barbecues and good natured teasing.
BUT I am looking forward to getting back to the life that’s a little less self centered, a little more giving back, a lot more exciting, and just more what we are supposed to be doing. We actually fit better there, there isn’t really the tension of feeling unfulfilled and un-needed. I miss my friends there. I miss soccer, and lots of tofu, the tropics, the beach, the creativity, grilled fish with a spicy tomato and lime hot sauce type thing, peanut sauce, fried bananas, fresh young coconuts, and lots and lots of tropical fruit.

 

I guess I’m okay with the tension of always missing something and someone. There are so many things that make it worth while.
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